her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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