You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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