It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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