please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
