the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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