i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
