If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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