What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
