He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
