My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
