Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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