if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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