I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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