We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
