playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
