I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
