this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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