I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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