smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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