what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
