He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
