Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
