Tell her she can't have a vagina
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
