I cannot find my penis.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
