She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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