Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
