My girlfriend figured out who you are.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize