Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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