Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
