he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
