I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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