can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
