There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
