It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Randomize
