I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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