I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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