my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dear god my vagina.
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