I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
