weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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