hotel room ftw
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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