There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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