Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
