Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
