dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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