These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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