I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
