what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
