My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
