What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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