brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
