Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
