i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
