Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
