I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
