I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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