Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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