after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
