Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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