So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
