Quick, to the slutcave!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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