hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
