Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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