if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i will never coherently bang her
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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