Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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