Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he fucked my hip out of place.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
