Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
