My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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