Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
