Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
