She is in my trunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
