is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
