sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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