We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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