Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
