new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The power of my boobs compel you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
