none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just wanna be euthanized