Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up