I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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