apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.