I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
