No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
