I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
