i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
