ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
