i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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